The Totally Untrue Legend of Cow Paddy Irish Fudge

Once upon a time, a young bachelor Irish farmer, Flynn O’Letcher, happened upon the lush, beautiful Suwannee River Valley. Captivated by the bounty of the pristine forest and meadows, young Flynn decided to settle down, stake his claim, and begin farming and phosphate mining. His prized dairy cow, Paddy, was his sole faithful companion.

You see, young Flynn was a bachelor because he just didn’t do too well with the ladies. Matchmakers failed to help him find a bride. The Pony Express Dating Service failed. He even tried telegraph chat-lines, but to no avail.

It seemed that Flynn was sentenced to a lonely life of bachelorhood and farming. Things were really getting bleak until, miracle-on-miracles, Flynn happened upon a Leprechaun while making his weekly trip to the dump. Yes, that little Leprechaun would change his destiny from bleak to bright!

Now how the Leprechaun ended up in the Suwannee River Valley remains a mystery.  Some say he was a stowaway in an Irish predecessor’s luggage. Some say he was on a pilgrimage to Graceland and lost his fortune through a Nigerian banking scheme. Just how the Leprechaun got stranded in the Suwannee Valley remains one of those great unknowns, like “How did they build those pyramids in Egypt?” or “How do you know when buttermilk goes bad.”

It was at the dump that ole’ Flynn was really feeling sorry for himself. He sat down on an illegally disposed tire and consumed an entire case of O’Doul’s. In his non-drunken stupor, Flynn saw the little Leprechaun…green outfit, pointed shoes and all. The Leprechaun, being lonely and stranded in a foreign country, like Flynn, really felt sorry for him and decided to help him out. The one thing that the Leprechaun had of value was some ancient recipes for Irish Fudge, which he willingly shared with Flynn O’Letcher.

Flynn got right to work making and sharing this delightful Irish Fudge with the local town folk. Word spread, the Irish Fudge became the ‘talk of the town,’ and Flynn was able to give up phosphate mining. And yes the wise saying proved true, “The way to a woman’s heart is through diamonds and chocolate, and chocolate is a heck of a lot cheaper.” Yes, his chocolate fudge particularly attracted the young ladies. So it wasn’t long before Flynn met the love of his life and “They lived happily ever after.” His bachelor days were over; and Cow Paddy Irish Fudge became world famous.

Now, of course, the question arises, “Why did Flynn name his fudge after his beloved cow, Paddy, and not after the generous Leprechaun that shared the secret fudge recipes with him?” Well, you must understand that the Leprechaun’s name was Adolph O’Hitler. Flynn figured that Adolph’s Fudge wouldn’t work because of the meat tenderizer people. Additionally, O’Hitler Fudge just wouldn’t have mass-market appeal. So Flynn decided to name the fudge after his faithful Irish cow, Paddy, who supplied the milk and cream that made his fudge so delightful.

And what happened to the Leprechaun? Well, perhaps his kindness toward Flynn was rewarded. Shortly after Flynn’s fortune changed, Adolf the Leprechaun met a beautiful young elf, they fell madly in love, and well… you know the rest of the story. Later they left the Suwannee River Valley, settled in a large tree, and began making cookies for a large multi-national company.

So there you have it…The legend of Cow Paddy Irish Fudge. Today the legend continues…. great fudge made with a little Irish Butter and a whole lot of malarkey!


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